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Coffee Hour: The Consequences of Dating a Friend’s Ex

Growing up women are always told they will find their Prince and get married, but what are the steps to finding that prince? What if you date one knight in shining armor, but when he doesn’t work out and turns back into a frog. Is it wrong to find your next suitor in the same circle?

Most women are warned to NEVER date an ex’s friend, but is it really so wrong? We are destined to end up with one person, who’s to say that one person isn’t best-friends or related to your ex boy-friend? Is it right to judge a woman that turns to another guy in the same crew?

We are not talking about a Karrine Steffans type females. This Coffee Hour is not talking about Jump-Offs. This is about women jumping from serious relationship to serious relationship.

We posed the question to some of our readers and friends on Facebook, and they had some rather interesting things to say.  Continue reading for more…

These relationships always face a lot struggles. The woman are sometimes judged and bashed harshly, with names like smut, whore or even jump-off.

ATF Male Reader: If you mess wit me and starting f*cking wit my homeboy, your just a skeet skeet jump-off

Most men actually do think like this. Men and women have the same codes of conduct when it comes to friendships, “You just don’t mess with my ex.”

ATF Female Reader: My homegirl asked me could she date my ex and I said yes, but it eventually ended our friendship. I never felt comfortable around them. I just didn’t want to block love, so I exited myself out the equation.

jay-z aaliyah 1

This type of this doesn’t just happen to us regular folks, celebrities have to deal with it too. Jay-Z and Dame Dash had a legendary friendship, that outsiders believe would last forever, but when the beautiful Aaliyah came into the picture, it just rocked the boat for the child-hood friends.

“Both Jay and Dame was involved with a certain RnB singer, who I’m not gonna say her name out of respect ’cause she ain’t around to defend herself, but I believe that was a part of the initial friction.” says film maker Choke No Joke

Although, it was never proven that Jay-Z & Aaliyah were an item,  there is plenty of photographic evidence, which caused a lot of speculation.

We compiled a list of reader feedback that was sent to us:

Rules of Friendships & Dating

Your friends shouldn’t have contact with your partner without you in the equation

Dating your friends ex without asking permission is a BIG NO NO

Double dating shouldn’t happen early in the relationship

Don’t tell your friends every detail of your relationship

Don’t let a man break-up your friendship

This situation is a case by case basis.  All relationships have problems, but some problems can be avoided.  True, you can’t fight love, but at the same time,  friendship may overrule.



  1. Cynthia on Friday 9, 2009

    I would never even consider dating a friend’s ex. Luckily we all have completely different taste.

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  3. AnnyMoss on Friday 9, 2009

    I dated a guy for a about a month. A year later, dated another guy for about 2 months. Later I ran into them at a club. They were there together, cuz they were best friends! They’d been friends since childhood. Even though I didn’t “friend hop” and was completely innocent in the whole situation…i still felt a lil grimey. :-/ The more recent dude, who I was still kind of talking to asked, “Oh so you been w/my homeboy?” smh but it wasn’t like that AT ALL!

  4. MAJESTY on Friday 9, 2009

    First of all this is a good posting. I would never date a friend’s ex and I wouldn’t keep a friend if they dated my ex because to me it would just seem as if they was attracted to each other the whole time. Also, somethings that so called ‘friend’ of yours could have been the reason for you two to break up by giving you bad advice.

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  7. DREsmv360 on Friday 9, 2009

    GREAT TOPIC! Morecoffee hour post please.

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  9. Anonymous1 on Friday 9, 2009

    I wouldn’t date a friends ex. It’s just wrong. If my friend asked me if she could date my ex the friendship will more than likely end. I know you can’t help who you are attracted to but it would bother me if they went out.

  10. Anonymous on Friday 9, 2009

    I’m in a long term relationship. A couple of months ago one of my best mate’s got together with my ex in a club right in front of me. My ex didn’t know she was a close friend but she knew who he was to me. She was staying at my flat for the weekend and I had to listen to her after the event (which left me alone in the club being hit on by randoms) ask me over and over if I was ok with it. I can say honestly I wasn’t but I felt had no right to say so given my own personal circumstances. She deserved some fun after all. However I can’t say that I want to be around her and him and am having to distance myself from them both slowly but surely.

    I would say for me it is a categorical thing you just don’t go there, it can really ruin a friendship.

  11. psychic on Friday 9, 2009

    Never date a friend’s ex. Trust me!