All That's FAB » Coffee Hour

Coffee Hour: Being Friends With Your Man’s X

Tini — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:00:39 +0000

An ATF reader hit us up the other day asking that we have a coffee hour discussing “being friend’s with your boyfriend’s X”. I had to laugh when I saw this email because I’ve been through the whole trying to be friend’s with my man’s X, only to be screwed in the end. I mean WTF was I thinking?

Really, we aren’t here to get all into our personal issues with men, but to our female readers: We already know you’ve been through the worst with a man, whether he cheated on you, let you down, or promised you everything, only to turn around and stab you in the back.

But imagine getting super cool with your man’s x-girlfriend… you guys really hit it off, you find out she’s a cool chick and you two have experienced similar issues with men… well without knowing, that one decision you’ve made to be cool with your man’s X is only making a turn for the worst.

At a point, I didn’t quite understand my man, but when his x-girlfriend approached me and started telling me all about their past, I realized why he was so screwed up in the head. I began attaching myself more to this girl, thinking that since she knew so much about him (they were together for 10yrs plus) maybe I’d be able to figure him out and make US work. EHHH!!! WRONG. We were only hurting eachother. She was still in love with him, and I just wanted to know more about their past relationship. It became an obsession where we were on the phone every night, or headed out to dinner together just to gossip. To make a long story short, I trusted her with everything, and I thought she trusted me as well. Well, months into our “friendship” I found out that she was still involved with him. That was a few years ago, now they are happily married with children. So blah, there you go.

So we at ATF would say “Hell-to-the-NO” when it comes to “trying” to be best buddies with your man’s X. Yeah It may be good to discover some things about your man’s past which you probably would have NEVER found out if you just simply asked him, but honestly… some things are just better left unknown. It’s best to start on a clean slate, forget about his past relations, and whenever his x-girl or some girl comes hating on your guys’ relationship.. just plain and simple..KEEP IT MOVIN’.

Coffee Hour: Butt Implants (Real VS Fake)

Ian Jarrell — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:51:37 +0000

We know you have heard all the whispers about this procedure that is hitting the entertainment industry like crazy. Butt implants are becoming more popular than breast implants in the urban community. With women like Beyonce and Buffy The Body walking around it’s hard not to feel insecure. But why are women getting this done? Is it done to look better in clothes or get ahead in their careers?

Once upon a time the skinnier you were the more sexier you appeared to be. Now it seems the more thicker you are downstairs the more attention you get. The question also arises: are women doing it for themselves or for male admiration?

It seems like every woman that appears on the cover of a Black Men’s magazine has to have a huge a$$…It was beautiful to see a curvier woman being praised on a magazine cover, but it seems like the only area that needs to be large is the behind…

ATF has complied research, reader feedback, and photographic evidence after the jump…

This whole thing has been hush hush for years. When the model Angel Lola Luv came onto the scene we started to suspect something. She went from average pretty hood chick to pin-up model for 50 Cent. There’s nothing wrong with getting plastic surgery, but it’s an issue when you say you’re all natural. Girl BOO!

ATF Female Reader: “I am naturally curvy woman, but no one can be like these woman on KING. Like white girl starve themselves to look like them heffas in VOGUE & ELLE…These chicks got us sistas running to our nearest surgeons. It’s just sad.”

ATF Male Reader: “It’s really no big deal as long as it looks good and real. It’s just gonna be a problem if I’m hittin it and I can feel rubber.”

It’s not just black women attaching themselves to this mess. White girls are also getting hip to this. Coco T is basically the poster child to white women with booties. We already know what type of man she was trying to attract with that manufactured body….

ATF Female Reader: “I hate seeing white girls with big behind because it seems like they are trying to impress our black men. All the white boys I know love big breast. That’s why breast implants are so big in White America.

ATF Male Reader: “A white shawty with a fatty is crazy to me. But you don’t really see that type of stuff in the hood. Like that girl that’s with Drake now ass is crazy fat. Her name Shakur is something like that.”

Here are women that have naturally curvy figures, who some people point fingers at for starting this craze.

Here are some tips to get a larger backside the natural way:

EXCERCISE!!

PROTEIN SHAKES!!

The key thing is to just be happy with what you got. There are men out there who like women 100% natural. If you do decide to enhance your body just do all your research. There are problem with all these cosmetic surgeries.

Coffee Hour: The Consequences of Dating a Friend’s Ex

Ian Jarrell — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:58:32 +0000

Growing up women are always told they will find their Prince and get married, but what are the steps to finding that prince? What if you date one knight in shining armor, but when he doesn’t work out and turns back into a frog. Is it wrong to find your next suitor in the same circle?

Most women are warned to NEVER date an ex’s friend, but is it really so wrong? We are destined to end up with one person, who’s to say that one person isn’t best-friends or related to your ex boy-friend? Is it right to judge a woman that turns to another guy in the same crew?

We are not talking about a Karrine Steffans type females. This Coffee Hour is not talking about Jump-Offs. This is about women jumping from serious relationship to serious relationship.

We posed the question to some of our readers and friends on Facebook, and they had some rather interesting things to say. Continue reading for more…

These relationships always face a lot struggles. The woman are sometimes judged and bashed harshly, with names like smut, whore or even jump-off.

ATF Male Reader: If you mess wit me and starting f*cking wit my homeboy, your just a skeet skeet jump-off

Most men actually do think like this. Men and women have the same codes of conduct when it comes to friendships, “You just don’t mess with my ex.”

ATF Female Reader: My homegirl asked me could she date my ex and I said yes, but it eventually ended our friendship. I never felt comfortable around them. I just didn’t want to block love, so I exited myself out the equation.

This type of this doesn’t just happen to us regular folks, celebrities have to deal with it too. Jay-Z and Dame Dash had a legendary friendship, that outsiders believe would last forever, but when the beautiful Aaliyah came into the picture, it just rocked the boat for the child-hood friends.

“Both Jay and Dame was involved with a certain RnB singer, who I’m not gonna say her name out of respect ’cause she ain’t around to defend herself, but I believe that was a part of the initial friction.” says film maker Choke No Joke

Although, it was never proven that Jay-Z & Aaliyah were an item, there is plenty of photographic evidence, which caused a lot of speculation.

We compiled a list of reader feedback that was sent to us:

Rules of Friendships & Dating

Your friends shouldn’t have contact with your partner without you in the equation

Dating your friends ex without asking permission is a BIG NO NO

Double dating shouldn’t happen early in the relationship

Don’t tell your friends every detail of your relationship

Don’t let a man break-up your friendship

This situation is a case by case basis. All relationships have problems, but some problems can be avoided. True, you can’t fight love, but at the same time, friendship may overrule.

Should You Respect Your Man’s Privacy?

Tini — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:58:48 +0000

His phone is locked. He doesn’t like you standing around him when he’s online. He leaves the room frequently to answer the phone. Hm. You might have a problem.

Discussing relationship issues in the office is very common in our world. Yesterday, a friend asked, “Is it wrong to look through your husband’s phone and email without him knowing?” My immediate response was, “Heck no, you should never do that. You’ll find something you probably won’t like.” I said this, knowing damn well that I’ve looked through each of my X’s phones while they stepped out of the room.

So, ATF went to our twitter friends and asked the question:

Is it okay to go through your boyfriend’s phone without him knowing?

And these are the responses we got:

Yeah, It is a bad thing to go through your man’s phone because–well you should be able to trust them enough to feel like you don’t have to snoop around. And most of the time, when you do snoop around, you’re more likely to find something that won’t make you too happy.

In a personal experience, I ignored something I saw in my X’s phone:

In my case, too many signs were pointing to the fact that he was cheating. Looking through his phone was immature and dumb, I should have just walked away from the situation entirely. Being insecure about your relationship causes you to go out of your way to search for problems.

Ian Jarrell says:

I feel that anything you do out in the public should be able to be viewed..Twitter, Facebook, Myspace can all be check…but the phone is a big NO, NO…But beware when you go looking you may just find something you don’t like

We would really recommend that if you are in a relationship, you should be able to trust a man enough that you don’t have to go snooping around. But if you walk into a room and he’s slamming his laptop shut or getting off of the phone quickly—then you might have a little problem and it’s something that should be discussed rather than searching through his personal things behind his back.

Coffee Hour: How You Know He Is Into You

Ian Jarrell — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 18:37:59 +0000

We have complied a list of ways that you can know a guy is really into you. People are always talking about the signs you should pick up on when you know a man is not feeling you. They even made a movie about it, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, which every male and female should own. We at AllThatsFab.com are always dating and we think we are pretty good at giving advice, so after the jump check out a detailed list of ways you will know a guy is INTO you…

When he hits you up between the hours of 12pm and 5pm, you can tell he is thinking about you during his work day.

He asks for a second date before the 1st date is even over, he is trying to pre-book your time so you can’t make up any excuses.

When he gets creative on the first date. Concerts, museums, bowling, amusement parks, etc. are very uncommon dates, but they take planning and thought. It shows he is making the effort.

When your name is not foreign to his friends. When a guy talks about you amongst his friends and confidants, you know you snagged him.

He’s very anxious about celebrating special occasions with you. If he plans something for your birthday or quality time on the holidays, there should be no doubt he is into you.

Every now and then, he will find a chance to ask you what type of guy you are attracted to and are looking for in a partner. He is trying to see if you guys are a match. The man is trying to fit into your picture perfect life.

He listens to the smallest things you mention, like favorite songs or artists. He remembers your friends’ names. The guy actually remembers your sign. The smallest things are very important to know if you have the right guy.

He goes above and beyond just to please you. Like if he sees a movie a second time after he really didn’t like it. It shows that he is willing to do what ever just to be in your company.

He appears unexpectedly. He likes you a lot if he shows up out of nowhere. He can only do that if he has been asking people about your schedule, or he has been paying attention to where you are going and at what time. Can be a little stalkerish, but its a clear sign he is interested.

If a guy bends his personality to mesh with yours, he is trying to mold himself into what you want. In other words he is trying to compromise.

You know he is into when he is planning the times you guys hang out. Men are naturally passive creatures, so if he takes control of the planning he is trying to be a part of your life.

If you guys discuss future life plans early on in the relationships, then he’s basically putting all of his cards on the table so you know what he expects. It shows the lack of interest in playing mind games.

Coffee Hour: Pregnant Break-Ups

Ian Jarrell — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:37:27 +0000

Break-ups or Divorces are very hard to go through, especially when there are children involved. Imagine being pregnant and dumped, now that could send a woman to the looney bin. Imagine picking out baby clothes, choosing a name, and counting down the days until you deliver; then suddenly your man dumps you. WHAT DO YOU DO? During pregnancy you are highly emotional, everything seems like the end of the world. It’s easy for a guy to just bounce out, but you are stuck with a child…

Life is full of ups and down, but it has to suck to be single and pregnant. This doesn’t just happen to normal folks, but this problem also effects some of our favorite celebs. Jill Scott and Kelis always appear to be strong confident fab females, but they are victims of the pregnancy break-up/divorce. Jill recently sat down with Essence.com to discuss life as a single mother…

Jill Scott: He was there and for a couple of days afterwards while I stayed in hospital, but John and I are no longer together. When you have a baby you’re dealing with a lot of emotions and I don’t know how much of it had to do with us breaking up, but it happens. My heart and prayers go out to all single moms because it’s tough. I don’t understand how any mother does it alone.

Kelis is in a rough battle dealing with Nas. Nas refuses to support his future ex-wife, in any type of way. It’s rumored that he cheated on Kelis while she was pregnant. This is the second time Nas has decided to be an absent father. He has a daughter with ex-girlfriend, Carmen Bryan, who wrote a book about her life with Nas.

AllThatsFab.com asked some of our readers what they thought about this topic. Check out what they had to say below:

Jessica K. – “I think that is the cruelest thing a man could ever do to a woman. My child’s father left me after our son was born. I probably would have broke down if he left me during the 9 months of carrying his kid.”

Antonio O. - “There is not right time to end something. So why should I wait till the baby is born. We should be focusing on the baby and not are personal issues when he/she comes into the world.”

Tanisha M. – “You shouldn’t be having a child with someone who could so freely be willing to bounce. You can’t always blame the man, women are crazy during pregnancy. It’s highly disrespectful to get dumped while your pregnant, but I rather you leave now then later so I can piece my life together without you in it.”

There isn’t a book out there that can help you deal with a break-up while pregnant. Women should always turn to others during this time. No one should have to deal with this on their own. Stress is the worst thing to have during pregnancy, so being around friends and family is always the best bet. Life goes on after any break-up, never forget that. So now fab readers what do you think of this topic? We want you to sound off an let us know how you feel..

Coffee Hour: Is It Okay For The Woman to Propose?

Aura — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:50:35 +0000

Is She Really Going Out With Him? – MTV Shows

Someone asked this question on Twitter the other day, shortly after stating that 70% of Black women are single. Then this footage of a girl proposing to her douchebag boyfriend airs on MTV (above), and it seems as if women proposing to their boyfriends is a bit more common than people think.

It seems as though society has placed so much pressure on women to be engaged or married at a certain age, but at the same time, if a woman proposes to her boyfriend, she is looked down upon.

What do you think? Ladies, if you were given the opportunity to propose to a man, would you do it? Men, would you welcome this advance, or do you feel that its not in a woman’s place?

If you don’t know what we’re talking about regarding the fact that 70% of Black women are single, check out Oprah talking about this topic below.

10 Things A Man Shouldn’t Do on a 1st Date…

Tini — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:22:49 +0000

A first date can be nerve-wracking. Women worry about what to wear, how to act, and dread questions that may be asked over dinner (should I lie? Or tell the truth? Is it any of his business?). We can all agree that dating isn’t easy.. we’ve all been through a “perfect” date, where the man will drop you off and you never hear from him again, and we’ve been through horrible ones– where you are ready to leave 10 minutes into the date.

To our male readers, are you wondering why a woman hasn’t called you back after a “perfect” date? Well, here are Allthatsfab’s top 10 things a man shouldn’t do on a first date. (To our female readers, please chime in and add to the list!):

1. It’s always nice to have a man pick you up on the first date, so if you do decide to pick her up, please be on time, not 2 hours late.

2. Most likely the first date is going to be dinner and a movie. Over dinner, keep the conversation going. Silence is… awkward. Don’t talk about past experiences with baby momma’s, or how your last woman did you so wrong, and most of all.. don’t talk about SEX.. This can all wait for a later date.

3. Men, don’t tell your date she can order whatever she wants, and then kind of give her that, “Wow, you eat a lot” look. Don’t comment on how she eats, or how much she eats.

4. A woman understands that you may be a little nervous on a first date, but please don’t try to calm your nerves by ordering too much alcoholic beverages. We don’t want to have to carry you out of the restaurant.

5. When the bill comes, don’t leave it on the table for 20 minutes. We begin to wonder who is going to pay for it. Trust me, we’ve all had situations where we ended up paying the tab on a first date.

6. After the meal ask, “So, are we going dutch..or..??”

7. If the dinner goes well, a woman should be cool with going to a movie afterward. Don’t enter the theater and say something like, “Well you know, since I paid for dinner is it cool if you got this and the popcorn?”

8. In the movie theater, please keep your hands to yourself. Don’t start rubbing the leg or start tracing little light circles on a woman’s back with your fingers. Unless, of course, she’s completely comfortable with it. But most women on a first date don’t like to be touched. You can show a woman you are interested by keeping your hands off.

9. Answer the phone, and have a casual conversation with God Knows Who for 10 minute (This goes for emails, instant messanger, text messages, BBM, any form of communication on a date is rude!)

10. Don’t ask a lady to come by your house after a good date. Take her home, peck her on the cheeck, tell her you’ll give her a call tomorrow, and that’s that.

If the girl is feeling you, and you follow these 10 things you shouldn’t do on a first date, we almost guarantee you’ll see that woman again.

Coffee Hour: Tattoos In The Name of Love

Ian Jarrell — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:34:28 +0000

Many people look at tattoos as a form of expression. But fail to realize tattoos are in fact, permanent. Relationships for the most part are far from perfect, or even permanent, so why would you mark your body with something that will always remind you of your partner….ATF loves seeing people in love, but sometimes folks can just go too far when expressing their love for someone. We have all been in love, but what comes over someone to tat their partners name or face on their body? These type of tattoos are always a big mistake and regret, think before you act folks..Check out some tats in the name of love after the jump. And let us know what you think of this topic..

That Heffa is Wearing My Dress!

Aura — Thu, 14 May 2009 22:25:04 +0000

Actress, Gabrielle Union, and model, Jamie Gunn, both showed up to the Maxim Hot 100 party last night in Hollywood wearing the EXACT SAME Herve Leger dress. The average girl would say “How embarrassing!”, but fab chick would take it in stride.

There are several ways to avoid a disaster when something like this happens:

1.) Instead of running to the bathroom and talking smack to your friends, go up to the other woman in question and compliment her on her taste in clothing.

2.) Find the nearest photographer, pose for pictures together and laugh it off like it was intentional.

Read the rest over at the All That’s Fab blog on HoneyMag.com

In case you missed it, check out the entire Maxim Hot 100 list HERE